"In communications, familiarity breeds apathy."

Dear nobody in particular,

Sometimes, the more I get to know myself, the more I
realize my shortcomings.
wonder what the hell I'm doing.
question my life choices.
regret my past.
hate myself.

I tend to fail at a lot of stuff.

I worry
I wonder
I stress over
I ponder
I question
my future.

I tend to fail at the future.

And then I ask myself why
Because most of the time
I don't give a damn what happens to me.

This is not a death wish.

This is just apathy.

But I tend to fail at that too.

I play in traffic, but
Traffic won't play with me.

I challenge authority, but
Authority won't challenge me.

I try to flee with my sins, but
My sins won't flee with me.

I abandon my past, but
My past won't abandon me.

I leave my life behind, but
My life won't leave me.

This is really fucked up. But who cares.

/end

"Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train."

Dear nobody in particular,

10 is a metric number.
10 is the number of
fingers I have.
years in a decade.
days left for me in this country.

When I got here, I had 365 days.
365 is such a stupid number.
I can imagine 365 as a child being bullied by the "10" kids.

Look
Look
Look at that loser.

He's not even metric.
Let's kick his ass.
Let's bash his head in.
Let's twist his nipples.
Let's give him a metric wedgie from hell.

But I digress.

I'm out of here in a nice 10 days.

But I wonder if it's better to be somewhere other than here.

How much time would I have at home before I felt sick of it?
10 years?
10 months?
10 days?
10 hours?

I wonder.

/end